I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
