he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
