It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
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