those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
