Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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