Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
