Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
