I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
did i just pee glitter
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
