I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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