I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
