i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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