Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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