I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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