Dual....:-)
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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