4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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