I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
