He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Text me some of your sweat
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
