he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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