I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
