watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Mom said you looked used
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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