You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
