Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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