i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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