It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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