Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
