also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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