You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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