Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
