You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize