its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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