Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
