can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
