just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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