Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
