Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
