I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
