This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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