i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
