Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
