I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sext me about skeletons
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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