Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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