I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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