I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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