i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
