I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
