your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
