im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
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I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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