allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
