she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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