You're my little dorito
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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