I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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