I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
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Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
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Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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