i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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