glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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