epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
