Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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